{"id":474,"date":"2021-05-12T14:07:07","date_gmt":"2021-05-12T14:07:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dkgreencounselling.wordpress.com\/?p=474"},"modified":"2023-11-03T17:59:17","modified_gmt":"2023-11-03T17:59:17","slug":"therapists-are-human-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/2021\/05\/12\/therapists-are-human-too\/","title":{"rendered":"Therapists Are Human Too"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/man-with-head-on-desk.png\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/man-with-head-on-desk.png?w=1024\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-476\" width=\"265\" height=\"197\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/man-with-head-on-desk.png 2400w, https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/man-with-head-on-desk-300x224.png 300w, https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/man-with-head-on-desk-1024x766.png 1024w, https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/man-with-head-on-desk-768x574.png 768w, https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/man-with-head-on-desk-1536x1149.png 1536w, https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/man-with-head-on-desk-2048x1532.png 2048w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 265px) 100vw, 265px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>One thing about being a therapist is that I\u2019m able to work fairly quickly through my own \u2018stuff\u2019. So I\u2019m writing this having returned to a place of relative peace (with a twinge of sadness) after having my own \u2018reaction\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But it\u2019s worth remembering that your therapist is human too, has feelings, thoughts, beliefs and reactions to the world and other people, including you, just as you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once in a while I\u2019m in session with a client who, for whatever reason, has turned up that day in a difficult or even antagonistic frame of mind. Projection abounds, and as therapists we\u2019re often the \u2018repository\u2019 for all feelings, negative ones included. So anger, frustration, sulks, hopelessness, tantrums, hate and all sorts of unpleasant feelings that the client is suffering\/enduring, can be projected towards the therapist. Whilst in full understanding that this is what\u2019s happening, indeed it is absolutely a useful function of our job itself, sometimes \u2013 as you can imagine \u2013 it\u2019s not a pleasant experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m pretty good at holding the space for that, so that the energy of it can be held and spent, so that those feelings can lessen, quieten or pass, so that we can regain a good place of open communication again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once in a while it presses my buttons, because I\u2019m human too, and I find myself on the odd occasion going through a mental process that looks something like this (only at superspeed, because as I say, experienced therapists are always analysing ourselves first, and I got pretty good at it!).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Self-pity (why is this being directed at me; I don\u2019t deserve this)<\/li><li>Self-questioning (did I do\/say something to provoke\/invite\/deserve this?)<\/li><li>Anger (how dare you\/why do you think it\u2019s ok to talk to\/behave towards me this way)<\/li><li>Self-righteousness (I\u2019ve given up my time, my energy and my best efforts to help you, wtf)<\/li><li>Self-reflection (hmm, my reaction to your behaviour is nothing to do with you and everything to do with me)<\/li><li>Self-enquiry (ah yes of course, [historically] I\u2019m reacting to anger\/resentment\/aggression towards me, it makes me protective of myself and angry\/afraid\/sad\/reactive accordingly, and expect to be blamed\/not good enough again, presses my \u2018unfair\u2019 button, usually whilst rolling my eyes at <em>myself<\/em>)<\/li><li>Self-soothing (this isn\u2019t about me, no need to take it personally, you know this can be a helpful part of the job, which you signed up for, breathe, relax, allow the process)<\/li><li>Resolution (this is ok, you are ok, I am ok, this may be unpleasant, but this is ok)<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><em>(not necessarily in that order!)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That may take some folks days to work through, hours at the very least, but generally it\u2019ll take me under a minute or two, whilst a client is raging\/rampaging\/projecting etc. and usually before they ever notice. I become fully and consciously aware again once I breathe and relax my body, and then we can continue, with me gently holding, or softly challenging, or occasionally putting down a firm boundary if I feel it\u2019s necessary (i.e. with gentleness, kindness and understanding but firmly; I\u2019m ok to hear all of this, but swearing \u2018at me\u2019 or raising your fists at me is not ok, [for example]).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Only twice in my therapeutic history has anyone ever \u2018walked out on me\u2019 (i.e. both times I was hung up on mid video call]. That absolutely leaves me running through this process!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It feels really rubbish\u2026 and even after that process, can leave me mostly a little sad, that a session didn\u2019t end well, that the client is in such a bad place that in that particular moment I\u2019m part of the problem rather than help towards a solution, and that the client is simply in a bad place. It leaves me a little heartsore. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Also worth noting here; there are times where I grow as a therapist through this process, realising that there may well have been an action or some words of mine that <em>did <\/em>indeed play a part in the client\u2019s reaction and behaviour! Sometimes a challenge is good, sometimes the client isn\u2019t ready for it, or open to it, sometimes it&#8217;s simply the wrong time. And that is a good reminder to me; to always assess and reassess whether something is in fact appropriate for this particular client, or on this particular day. Do no harm, the very first rule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We live and learn too, as humans, and as therapists, always.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One thing about being a therapist is that I\u2019m able to work fairly quickly through my own \u2018stuff\u2019. So I\u2019m writing this having returned to a place of relative peace (with a twinge of sadness) after having my own \u2018reaction\u2019. &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/2021\/05\/12\/therapists-are-human-too\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/474"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=474"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/474\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":884,"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/474\/revisions\/884"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=474"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=474"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dkgreen.co.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=474"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}